Trying to Have it All

by Misha Bower

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about

A co-founder of Toronto-based band Bruce Peninsula
and an accomplished vocal guest with Daniel Romano,
The Weather Station, City and Colour, Timber Timbre
and Snowblink, Misha Bower now emerges as a singer-songwriter
with her debut album, 'Trying to Have it All.'

Bower’s last solo effort was a collection of short stories titled
'Music for Uninvited Guests' (Cringles, 2012).
On 'Trying to Have it All,' she tells new stories in song, each
track delineating a character in a crucial moment of
disclosure.

Defiant, playful, reflective, radically honest—each
character is accompanied by an arrangement that opens
up like a secret inner door. With a full band, soaring strings,
intimate guitar and piano, and impassioned vocals, 'Trying to
Have it All' is a journey through different takes on the art of
coping.

credits

released May 24, 2019

Written by Misha Bower
w/ contributions from David Bower and Matt Cully
Produced by Will Kidman & Misha Bower
Recorded and mixed by Alex Gamble at Union Sound
Company and the Hive in Toronto, ON
Additional recording by Lisa Conway, Simon Larochette, Will Kidman & Misha Bower
Mastered by Heather Kirby
***
Album art & layout by Paul Henderson
Photos by Colin Medley
Printed by Precision Record Pressing
Released by Bruce Trail Records
***
Misha Bower: main & backing vocals, keys
Will Kidman: guitars, percussion, keys, piano, backing vocals
Lisa Conway: backing vocals
Nathan Lawr: drums
Dallas Wehrle: bass
Mika Posen, Kelly Larochette, Jill Sauerteig & Julia Narveson: strings
***
© Misha Bower 2019

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about

Misha Bower London, Ontario

Misha is an artist and educational aide based in London, Ontario. She writes stories, makes music and assists college students with disabilities in their pursuit of academic goals. She is also interested in the study of psychology and art, particularly the relationship between storytelling, musicality and identity. ... more

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Track Name: Starless Nights
I never wanted any more than any man who came before
Yeah, life was good and fine and time was empty
Until a letter by mistake one day, from a shiny town not far away
Came signed with love and lipstick and perfume

It said, ‘I know the lonesome glow of country moons
And slow-rising suns that make our dreaming longer’
It said, ‘I never see the stars and all the wishing in my heart
Has gone away except the one for you, my love…’

I always liked my company and in loneliness felt truly free
Of other people’s gazes in the mirror
Until a story came into my head of another life I could have led
That put a chase for change inside my heart

I left behind the lonesome glow of country moons
And slow-rising suns that make our dreaming longer
And now I never see the stars and all the wishing in my heart
Has gone away except the one for you, my love…

Big-city lights and starless nights
And the shadow of another love
Big-city lights and starless nights
Led me there and led me on
Track Name: Hostage Taker
You feel what others feel
You don’t mind bending to their will
On occasion, when you get the sense
It’s been too long since they had a say
You want the same from me
Mind and body synchrony
But I’ve never been like you
The only time I follow is when I’m following through
You knew when you met me

I’m a hostage taker, waving my mood around
Yeah, when I’m feeling nobody move
Or I’m going to put you down
I’m a hostage taker, waving my mood around
And if you’re waiting for me to surrender
I’m going to let you down

You think I’m cruel for loving hand to mouth
Before I’m in it, I know my way out
You’re a fool if you’re still looking for my heart
I showed it to you at the start

I’m a hostage taker…
Track Name: Trying to Have it All
I want to be a family man, but I don’t want a family
I want to get all that I can, but I want it to come easily
I want a lover, wife and mother, fierce and full of light
I want to save the settings on the best day of my life

So, not now…
Can’t you see I’m crazy about the way I roll
When I’m trying to have it all?
Track Name: Man of Thirty
When he was a boy of ten, he never thought that he would be
The kind of man who saves the town or one day brings it to its knees
The kind of man who no one knows, whose name is known across the land
When he was a boy of ten, he wasn’t yet that sort of man

When he was a man of twenty, he left his wife for the open land
She looked at him with ancient eyes he never dared to understand
Later on, he recognized the look she gave him on that day
But when he was a man of twenty, he bowed his head and rode away

When he was a man of thirty, he took his gallop for his heart
And at the lowering of his body, they said he rode dead for a mile
The women cried and crossed themselves, said he was a wilful child
Preacher said, ‘From innocence not every man can be apart’

That’s why he left his family early
And died so young a man of thirty
Always passing through the souls of others
To clean the one he thought he dirtied
Track Name: Love That's Loose
I like love that’s loose, like a wiggling tooth that has no intention of falling out
I like endless entertainment in my mouth
And I don’t know about the truth, but I’m sure of the lies you tell with good intentions
Like the one last night, about rooting all the tendrils of your life

That’s why I like your company
Unfettered by the honesty
That lovers need protection from
To hang on to their dignity

We got caught in the rain and the lightning came and you said you’re living in the wrong time
You couldn’t find your picture in the sky
And even after it clears, I can hear the roll of thunder in the silence that we keep
As you linger in the echo of your dream

That’s why I like your company…

If it’s built to last, you’ll need to make some laws
If it’s built to last, you’ll need to break them laws
You gotta serve your love like a leader leads her land
With lies in the pocket and heart in the hand
You gotta take that trade when you can
’Cause lovers need protection from themselves
Track Name: Misery's Faint Glimmer
She followed a feeling to a high and mighty place
One where all your gravity becomes a passing grace
One that lures you with the promise of an overarching answer
One where beauty takes the hand of every lonely dancer

It wasn’t long before she knew she was travelling in the wrong direction
Following the world’s applause for deeds of self-deception
Sealing off her senses to light and warmth and praise
Trying to pour a damning water over the gracious flame…

Of misery’s faint glimmer in the darkest of minds
As an ember glows in ashes while the sun decides to rise
Or a voice appears, the one you hear of the unknown soldier, who you left behind
Calling out from where you left the day-old ashes still trying to warm your mind

She draws the curtain around the room she’s in
To see herself in total darkness and find her only friend
The one who helps her fall asleep, the one who helps her dream
The one who helps her find her way to the truth so deep…

To misery’s faint glimmer in the darkest of minds
As an ember glows in ashes while the sun decides to rise
Or a voice appears, the one you hear of the unknown soldier, who you left behind
Calling out from where you left the day-old ashes still trying to warm your mind
Track Name: Bad Old Days
One thing I miss about the bad old days
Ever since I got into a healthy way
Playing it by ear to the clarity of fear
Is one thing I miss about the bad old days

Years ago, I had to leave the damndest situation
Was it wisdom, was it weakness, to abandon my station?
To leave even the hardest thing felt unnatural at first
I had to lean into the treachery to make it through the worst

I played the fish, I played the hook, I played the bait – I played it all
To figure out the power game and how not to fall
I flipped the script of right and wrong and played against the odds
And added madness to divine disclosures of the gods

But one thing I miss about the bad old days
Ever since I got into this healthy way
Playing it by ear to the clarity of fear
Is one thing I miss about the bad old days
Track Name: Coming in Last
I always had a thing for living hard
I always had a way with wayward hearts
And I won’t let my suffering and sin be taken
By nobody’s saviour or a do-good man

I’m coming in last, but I’m heading to first
One of the meek who’ll inherit the Earth
You only slow me down trying to tell me what I’m worth
I’m coming in last, heading to first

I live my life on a wall
Waiting for desire to get set off by a fall
No royal horses or men
Ever know the shape I’m in

I never got the hang of living right
I know if it’s bad for me, I gotta try it
Heard when I was a little girl, ‘Find what you love and do it well’
I said, ‘Okay!’ and made my way from the smoke into the fire

I’m coming in last, but I’m heading to first…
Track Name: I'm All About
You don’t need to say your spirit is low
You don’t need to say what I already know
I already know what you need from me now

Every day, I lift you up
As though my arms were wings
Without feeling a thing
You go up lighter than air
And I never tell you when you ask what’s on my mind
’Cause I’m all about making it easy

You don’t need to say you’re uninspired
No, you don’t need to say, I can see your fire
I see your fire, and I’m fanning your flame

Every night, I put you to bed
Feeling like a king
I don’t even tell you I love you
It’s best when I don’t say a thing
’Cause I’m all about making it easy

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